I'm reminded of a message preached by my former pastor. "Don't carry another's offense," he told us. He related an example of being maligned in secret by a brother in a church where he preached as a traveling evangelist. For years, when he ran into several people, they all treated him icily, and he had no way to know why. He searched his soul to see if he had somehow offended, and remained baffled and hurt. Once it was finally revealed, it all made sense.
Unfortunately, carrying the offense of another within a church is all too common, especially when a family finds it necessary to break away - a heartbreaking decision at its core. Don't carry another's offense: a simple, merciful and necessary piece of advice. You don't know what happened, even if you think you heard one side of the story. People sift their experiences through their own insecurities - and you get the processed version. If there is integrity there, you'll not hear either side. Sowing division in the church is Biblically discouraged and, as mentioned before, "the church" is bigger than yours. The conflict is likely not for your ears, and it's perpetuation is destructive.
Secondly, splits are painful to both sides - you have to consider the motive of the one who "shares" their offense. If the sharer is compelled because they fear shouldering blame, and must blame the other to you, then again - it was processed through insecurity. The result is not harmony in the body, but schism.
No, we must learn to accept that there will be comings and goings. Handling them with grace is a decision, and all who witness this have their part in that decision. We must trust that not every membership is forever; not every split blameworthy, and it is usually not our job to blame anyway. Handling splits without integrity speaks poorly of the churched, who are supposed to be known by the love one shows for another.
